Aftercare - something you should do after sex

milkchocolate2579
Oct 13, 2021
3 min read

Aftercare,

is the things you do after sex to make sure everyone and yourself to be emotionally & physically okie-dokie.

What is aftercare ?

This concept originated from BDSM community. BDSM scenes are both physically challenging & psychology intense. Without proper aftercare, it is damaging and unhealthy for all parties.

In BDSM community, aftercare is

a safe place for all parties involved to recover after a scene/play
to switch their headspace back to real life
a must to avoid dom/sub drop
a responsibility of all partners (not just dom!) involved to take care of each other after sex

Vanilla sex need aftercare too

Because everyone deserved to feel cared for after sex!

Q: Feel like crying after sex?

A: You skipped aftercare!

Sex is emotional as much as physical. Aftercare helps soothes post-coital dysphoria (AKA post-sex-blues), the feeling of being "used", sadness, regretful, worthlessness, shame and anxiety after sex. It's not exclusive to BDSM but to all kinds of sex.

Masturbation need aftercare too

Q: Feeling awful after masturbating?

A: Masturbation is sex, post-sex-blues applies to masturbation. You should always practice aftercare with yourself.

Remind yourself it's normal to feel sad after masturbation. Do things that will make you feel better after it. Be it wrapped in a fuzzy blanket watching your favorite show, stare into nothingness for the next 20 minutes, anything that works for you.

Remember to stay hydrated and pee after sex!

Casual sex need aftercare too

Not just long-term committed monogamy relationship requires aftercare. All partners, yourself, one night stands, sex workers, friends with benefit, long distance relationship partner, committed polygamy partners, short-term casual partners... everyone needs and deserve aftercare.

Sex is intimate and look at your partners as equal being is the basic. They may feel vulnerable, highly emotional or triggered after sex. Making sure your partners are okay make sex more pleasurable because they know you care about them.

How to practice aftercare with partner(s)

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Consent is the foundation of everything. How to get consent? Communicate. Simply ask your partner(s):

"hey, what you wanna do after sex?"

Aftercare is different for everyone. Like all thing sex, not everyone like the same thing. Some like to feel close to their partner(s) (cuddling, snuggle, kisses) ; while some requires space and alone time. As long as it works for you, it is your right aftercare.

Be open with your partner(s) as well as provide a safe space together to discuss about aftercare. If you can't trust them for aftercare, you should not have sex with this person.

Your partner(s) want you to feel good and anything they can do during aftercare needs to be communicated and shared with them. If there is something you want your partner(s) do to make you feel better after sex, speak up and ask for what you want.

If your partner(s) tell you what to do, do that. If they are not sure what they want, don't give them pressure and blaming them for their post-sex-blues. Be patience & attentive. Try offering water, check-in after sex, and try asking them again after sex.

The bottom line: be caring.

Tips: having discussion and planning for aftercare beforehand is great. ie. you might be too tired to drive to a 7-e just to get a bottle of water after sex.

Aftercare Summary

feeling sad after sex is normal
masturbation, sexting, vanilla sex, casual sex, BDSM sessions, all kind of sex needs aftercare
long-term, short-term, committed, casual partners, everyone deserve aftercare
Practice aftercare with yourself allows you to love yourself more; while practice aftercare with partner(s) make sex better