How to make it through Trauma Anniversaries
- milkchocolate2579
- Oct 17, 2021
- 4 min read
Trauma Anniversaries
Definition: anniversary of a traumatic event.
In general, anniversaries are associate with pleasant events. Anniversaries can also be a reminder of traumatic events.
When the same date comes around, it can cause an anniversary reaction. The date itself becomes a trigger element that reminds us of the memories.
It is hard for us to go through that day without being reminded of what happened.
Anniversary reactions: range from mildly upset or distress to severe mental health around the trauma anniversary. Symptoms include increased anxiety, depression, amnesia, loss of appetite, nightmares, flashbacks and irritate outburst. Which can leads to a mental breakdown or nervous breakdown.
Why does our brain do this to us
For everyday memories, our brain filters through thoughts and feelings. With trauma, the brain skips this normal path and send the information straight to our "alarm center", which results in survivor responses, fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
It responds quickly to clues through sights, sounds, smells, and all our senses. AKA trigger elements that we live with now.
Our brains label these as "traumatic" for good reasons, to protect us and be alert in the future. The problem is it can put too much information into the "alarm center" at the same time and we become trigger not just by trigger elements our brain labels but the date itself.
As it is stored without going through thoughts and feelings, it is almost impossible to use logic to get us out of the reaction we have on trauma anniversaries. That is why it is so hard to reason your way out of it.
You are not failing
It can feel like we are going back to square one from our healing progress. Like we reverting to things we thought we overcome.
Healing is a journey and it is normal to be harder during anniversaries.
Please know that we are not losing the healing progress we made.
Anniversary reaction is hard to avoid but we can make it through like we always do.
Here are ways to help us get through it.
1. Identify your dates
If you know the dates of your trauma(s), mark your calendar. Identify your anniversaries and how they affect you.
Do you feel depressed during a certain month, create a timeline of all your difficult times and see if there is a pattern. It can be a seasonal affective disorder or trauma anniversaries.
Check with how it affects you. If you feel fatigued, take time off work and school, let yourself rest. If you feel anxious, withdraw from social contact. Everyone reacts differently and we all have a different coping system.
2. Be gentle
Please know it is ok to be not ok on trauma anniversaries. Be gentle with yourself. It can feel like a setback but you are not failing to heal. We are slowly but surely reclaiming our power.
Do what you can to fight negative thoughts. You are not what happens to you. It is enough if all you do that day is breathe and survive because breathing can feel like a chore on these days.
Do not make drastic life changes and decisions around the dates. Take extra care of yourself because you deserve all the good things for surviving all the shit .
3. Let your feelings out
It is helpful to have a ritual for coping with the loss of a loved one. Going to their favourite restaurant, make their favourite meals, watch their favourite show in honour of the memories we had with our loved ones. It can be a hint to get personal closure.
Coping with traumas, make sure you are in your safe place and let your feelings out. Lit up a candle, and give yourself time to feel all the feelings you have. Write on paper, journaling, poetry, drawing, listen to your healing music playlist.
It is perfectly okay to be the most vulnerable self today. If you feel like crying, cry, cry as loud as you want. If you feel like screaming, scream at the top of your lungs at a safe place to scream. If you feel like ranting, by all means, please do, rant to your trusted friend, rant online on social media, want to be an anonymous, get on anonymous platform and rant away. There are plenty of support groups online too.
4. Support system
Feeling alone and helpless is the worst to handle during these dates. Find the people that support you, your chosen family, support group online. Even if you do not feel like contacting anyone on trauma anniversaries, know that there are a bunch of loved ones always there for you, supporting you is essential. It just makes me feel safe.
It is ok if they are not from your own family members or friends. They can be your chosen family and online friends. There are support groups online for people who have been there too.
It can be texting someone you trust on that day and tell them you are having a bad day, They don't need to know the details to support you. Just talking with friends can make you feel better.
5. Limit stress intake
Try to limit any avoidable stress. Stay away from social media, TV news, even turn off your phone for the day.
Take leave from your school and work if possible. If your schedule is packed, it doesn't need to be. Try decluttered your schedule, lighten your day, do not overwork yourself.
Trauma anniversaries are stressful on their own. Do not overload your mind. Take time off for yourself. Just breath and survive for today is enough. Take care of yourself the best today.
When every day is an anniversary
Having anniversary reactions daily or every month, consider talking with a therapist. Talk to a grief or trauma counsellor about it.
It can be signs of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
It is helpful to have a strong support system of friends but regular people are not equipped to deal with what therapists know. Due to this pandemic, our mental health is not doing good, plus trauma anniversaries, it will be harder but a professional can help guide you without getting overwhelmed.
Take care. We will make it through trauma anniversaries.
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